There are four forces that affect an airplane in flight: drag, thrust, weight and lift. Drag pulls the airplane backwards, thrust propels it forward. Weight pulls the airplane down towards the ground, lift carries it upwards into the sky. Today I felt myself weighed down.

First of all, I found out late last night that the CEO of the bank I work for passed away. That put the entire building I work at in a state of shock. It felt different walking down the same hallway I’ve walked down for the last three years. I felt a little bit numb, but I stuck to my game plan. I’ve been working on a new game plan in my head since Friday.

Yesterday, we spent all day on a road trip to the western coast of Washington state. We went to a few different beaches, walked around and took photos. I climbed on rocks and trees and driftwood. We also started a vegan diet, for dietary reasons, which so far has been working out great for all of us. I felt great after Jiu Jitsu training today, which is normally when any dietary issues like heartburn are at their worst. So as we’re driving out to the coast, I’m watching the scenery go by, and I can’t stop thinking that I’ve lost my fight.

A person has fight in them: a kind of tenacity, a fierceness, a willpower that drives them to make decisions and take action. Lately I’ve felt disconnected from mine. It really hit home on the road trip. I need to find my fight again. Somewhere out there on the beach, I reconnected with it. Today I tapped into it and started to take action. I got gloves to start kickboxing training. I started to implement a new game plan at work, and a big part of it is stress reduction.

They provided a counselor at work, and I had a quick chat with him, mainly to get ahead of the grieving process. I’ve learned from recent experience that it’s far better to just confront things right away, than to let them grow in the shadows.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light.

– Yogi Bhajan

So I’m now that I’m reconnected with my own internal engine, I’m being thrust forward. I’m keeping my chin up and that’s lifting me up. I’m being dragged down, and pulled backwards, but those forces just can’t hold back the incredible potential I’m tapping into.


Move In

This is the feeling of being where you’re meant to be.

On Wednesday we did the walk through, received the keys, and started to move in. This weekend we finished moving and cleaned up the Federal Way apartment. I felt like I wasn’t as involved in the process as I could have been because I was at work while Kt and Chad did most of the moving. I helped as much as I could. Being in Tacoma feels right. It’s where I work, where Kt and Chad are both studying, and where I train jiu jitsu. We actually met our neighbors next door and below. We’re on the top floor, which is the 3rd story and only one flight of stairs up. We have a great view north overlooking Tacoma. You can see 16 (an east-west freeway that runs through Tacoma), the mall to the east, and the Olympic mountain range to the west. Watching the traffic and lights in houses is mesmerizing. We have a big covered patio with storage to fit a family of three. The move felt great as we’d already minimized our possessions and the two bedroom is a big space.

The first book of the year was Mystic River by Dennis Lehane. Then I finished The Last Policeman by Ben Winters in two days. I keep trying to get through The Structure of Scientific Revolutions by Thomas Kuhn by it is very academic in a field I field I didn’t specifically study, so I have to translate its contents into ‘my world’. That’s how to really learn about philosophy, to be forced to apply it in order to understand it. It’s a book laced with dissent towards institutions, and I love it. It is an academic lecture to the author’s peers, and as such requires concentration. It helps to live with a chapter in my head for a week or two before continuing.

We’re all feeling much more settled, even though it’s only been a few days. Yesterday Chad’s friends came up from Longview to hang out. Morgan and Brittney joined us later and we watched The Conjuring 2. We saw it in cinemas last year and it was just as scary at home. I remembered some but not all of the jump scares. Even though I knew what happened in the end, it was still a fun ride. It felt good having other people over to break in the new living space.

Today Kt showed me her Phi Theta Kappa certificate. The honors society accepted her based on academic performance last year. It was one of her goals, and it made me feel proud for her. I nearly cried. It sounds like something that shouldn’t be so moving, but for me it is. I’m so happy that she’s found her passion and is pursuing it intently.