There are four forces that affect an airplane in flight: drag, thrust, weight and lift. Drag pulls the airplane backwards, thrust propels it forward. Weight pulls the airplane down towards the ground, lift carries it upwards into the sky. Today I felt myself weighed down.
First of all, I found out late last night that the CEO of the bank I work for passed away. That put the entire building I work at in a state of shock. It felt different walking down the same hallway I’ve walked down for the last three years. I felt a little bit numb, but I stuck to my game plan. I’ve been working on a new game plan in my head since Friday.
Yesterday, we spent all day on a road trip to the western coast of Washington state. We went to a few different beaches, walked around and took photos. I climbed on rocks and trees and driftwood. We also started a vegan diet, for dietary reasons, which so far has been working out great for all of us. I felt great after Jiu Jitsu training today, which is normally when any dietary issues like heartburn are at their worst. So as we’re driving out to the coast, I’m watching the scenery go by, and I can’t stop thinking that I’ve lost my fight.
A person has fight in them: a kind of tenacity, a fierceness, a willpower that drives them to make decisions and take action. Lately I’ve felt disconnected from mine. It really hit home on the road trip. I need to find my fight again. Somewhere out there on the beach, I reconnected with it. Today I tapped into it and started to take action. I got gloves to start kickboxing training. I started to implement a new game plan at work, and a big part of it is stress reduction.
They provided a counselor at work, and I had a quick chat with him, mainly to get ahead of the grieving process. I’ve learned from recent experience that it’s far better to just confront things right away, than to let them grow in the shadows.
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light.
– Yogi Bhajan
So I’m now that I’m reconnected with my own internal engine, I’m being thrust forward. I’m keeping my chin up and that’s lifting me up. I’m being dragged down, and pulled backwards, but those forces just can’t hold back the incredible potential I’m tapping into.
Kt and I are moving! The one bedroom we live in today switched to month-to-month while we were on vacation, and with the additional cost we have to move. So we’ve applied for 2br 2ba places and invited Kt’s brother Chad to join us. I’m really excited. I think we’re going to have a blast living together. Adventures all year long!
We had to do some housecleaning on our credit reports. It was a little stressful at times to fix those things (some items we paid, but were sent to collections without informing us?!). It ended up being a really a good story. We’re making solid financial decisions and taking ownership over that part of our lives. Decluttering isn’t just about clothes and stuff, it can be applied to other parts of life as well. I’ve always appreciated minimalist style (see future blog post) and Kt found it’s exactly what she needed to bring things in order. So we decluttered our finances a little, and are healthier for it.
I also had a long conversation with my parents the other day. It was important because there were things I was holding on to from moving to the US, and that have happened while I was here. It was cathartic and long over due. I’m feeling empowered to clean out the suitcase of emotional clutter I’ve been dragging behind me for three years.
The hardest part is dealing with people. There’s a kind of toxicity in people, even if their intentions are great, and they aren’t bad people. They just aren’t right for you to be around at the time. When you are feeling passionate and fired up, it sucks being around someone who is, at that moment, acting like a wet blanket (for their own legitimate reasons). People who are consistently off balancing you, pulling you off course, or getting in your way are ‘toxic’. It’s made difficult because of the relationship you have with that person, and it’s often not their intention to be an antagonist. I don’t quite know how to approach this one, and luckily there’s no one in my life at this time who fits the bill. Occasionally I’ll find myself at odds with someone at work, especially in terms of mood, but that dissipates and reforms over the week. That’s not a toxic person, that’s life. You don’t have to let those people get out of your life and on with theirs. It’s the persistently toxic ones you have to confront.
P.S. Please don’t let the above paragraph let you think that I’ve lost faith in humanity, or that I’m in any way less affirming of the human spirit. I still firmly believe in people’s capacity and potential. I might wrestle with the concept of free will every now and then, or have something to say about the dark side like above. Kt once reminded me that like turning on the light in a dark room, the light casts out the dark. The good overwhelms the bad. It’s not light that creates shadows, it’s the things between the light source and subject. Whether it’s a physical, emotional or human obstacle, sometimes you have to declutter everything to find the source of light in your life.